Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
