i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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