i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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