honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
