she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize