I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My bed smells like the plague
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
