Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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