Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
