so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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