I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize