Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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