She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
