I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
