Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
