oh god the rape fog is back!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
third nipple confirmed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
