he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
