If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
