The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
