Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
