I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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