Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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