hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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