It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hippo gnu deer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize