True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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