I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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