Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
