His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
