Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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