Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
