I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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