me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
