i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
