Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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