I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
