I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
