By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
