Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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