Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
