im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Watching her eat just hurts me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
