So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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