A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
