he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
