Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
