Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
