..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
