So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
