Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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