I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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