Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
