I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My vagina just clenched in fear
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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