i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
