Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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