My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize