i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
