Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
