I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
