I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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