Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
