When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
