So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize