Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
