i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
