You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
