i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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