There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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