he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
