Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
